DNA Damage

Something happened in the mid-1990s. A genetic mutation was introduced into the DNA of certain males among the human species. This mutation attacks the male brain, causing a disconnect between important cells and multiplying at an exponential rate. Sadly, by the time it evidences itself in outward form, it is already too late.

What is this horrible genetic mutation, you ask?

The notion that pants look good if they are worn fifty sizes too large and sagging down around one's knees.

I was a teenager in the mid-1990s. And okay, maybe I was a tad on the geeky side, but I remember when the sagging pants -- ahem -- "fashion" first became popular: I thought it was utterly ridiculous.

It was one of those fads that I fervently hoped would eventually go away. . . like the 80s. But yesterday, ascending an escalator behind a group of 14- or 15-year-olds, I realized with some chagrin that the so-called "fad" is still alive and kicking. Very much so.

Now, it's bad enough in theory, let alone in practice. But when you are all of 5'2" tall with your tennis shoes on, riding an escalator behind the offending fashion-ister, it is truly appalling.

Fashion gurus, please do whatever it takes to wean American males off of the need to subject the undeserving public to such unpleasant views of backsides and boxer shorts. As soon as possible. I beg of you.