Be Anxious for Nothing

As of next Friday (the 11th), we will again be jobless. We were told this morning that after that date, this law firm will no longer need us. Not surprising, really; such is the nature of a temp job. Still, at last estimate we were told we'd be here through at least the middle of December so we're a bit disappointed. And a little nervous, as Bar results aren't out yet and won't be until sometime around Thanksgiving.

I'm not really worried because thus far God's provision for us has been so generous, so timely, and in every way, perfect. The hard part has been truly resting while I wait to see what's going to happen next. It's been a battle all morning and afternoon to keep myself from thinking a mile a minute about what we're going to do, when we're going to do it and how we're going to make it all work out. I think I'm learning something about myself today. I pray and I say, "Lord, please provide for us," and then I'm immediately on the phone with the temp agency or musing out loud to Daniel about what we can do to find work or how we can cut some things out of our budget for next month, or how we're going to pay for a re-take of the Bar exam if (God forbid) one or both of us doesn't pass.

I've discovered I'm not very good at "being anxious for nothing." The absence of worry does not necessarily mean the presence of trust. Obviously there are things we should do (like notify the temp agency), but for some reason I seem to go overboard in my responses to these sorts of "trials." Part of it is my personality coupled with my training to always be thorough. The other part of it, I think, springs from a secret, unspoken inner conviction that "If I don't do it, no one will. I have to come through for myself. I am solely responsible."

Where do I get that? If all good gifts come from above, I am solely responsible for nothing. If I can't do anything without Christ, I certainly can't come through for myself. And if God has promised to supply all my needs, there is nothing left for me to do but rest. I know all these things, but sitting still is far harder than it looks. :)

So I'm doing my best to truly "be anxious for nothing," by being content to rest and wait and see what God decides to do next. :)